Good Pop Songs From my Childhood: Part One

I've been having all these flashbacks of white ish rap/ hip hop/ dance music one hit wonders from the 90's








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Lucas with the lid off: I love this clip but then I love Michel Gondry

Scatman John - Scatman
Uploaded by MyUoZiK. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

Snow: Informer; ok it's not that good but damn I used to love this song I used to know all the words too.

STFUmarrieds: link

currently reading STFU marrieds (STFU means shut the fuck up in internets speaks)  it's a collection of bad facebook relationship updates

I spent $20 and all I got was this lousy blog entry

I was changing buses in Sydney’s CBD walking to where I would catch my bus home and listening to my Mp3 player and marvelling at the intricacies of “The Avalanches”  I was a ‘strolling and looking forward to getting home and ploughing into the red wine and takeaway and watching the cable t.v as I was walking a man passing by looked at me strolled past and then backtracked and tapped me on the shoulder, he gestured for me to take my earphones out which I did and then declared “You are a very happy lady! You have two men in love with you and so you are very happy because you will always have two men in love with you!”

I nodded politely (as I only know of one man in love with me and often the number one can be mixed up with the number two) and said thankyou and tried to walk past him, he then tapped me on the shoulder again and declared “I will tell you your fortune, I will tell you everything about your mother and your brother and I will tell you your name and your birth date if I guess these you will stay and if I guess these You will give me some money, and so I thought fuck it why not? If this man can guess my name and my birthday he can get some money so he asked me to write down how much I would give him and I thought I'll be generous because I like street magicians and would write down $20 and then he gave me another piece of paper and a pen and asked me to write down my name and date of birth on a piece of paper and he walked ten metres up the street and wrote what he thought my date of birth was on another piece of paper thinking now that I was about to be mugged or havee my handbag rummaged through I decided at this point to wedge it firmly between my thighs (nobody would ever get tit there) and then he returned to me and made me crush my piece of paper into a ball and chant something to the universe, then he says my name he goes "your name is Kimberly (he mispronounced it as though he has never heard of a Kimberly before) and you were born on the three of the three nineteen eighty-nine" I looked at him and said "aww so close" and then he decided to argue and kept on saying "1989" and saying that was the answer then he opens up his piece of paper he is holding and says '1989" and grabs at my hand and make me show my piece of paper and goes "no wonder! you are messy girl you write messy! you think messy why two men in love with you is mystery!"

I'm standing here it's starting to to get windy it would be 8pm at night and I am straddling my bloody handbag going "what the fuck is going on?" I'm not much of a believer in anything but It was a good show so I went into my handbag to give him the money and leave and then he goes "stop I havent' told you your fortune yet, you'll pay after I tell you everything" so umm ok, and so I stood there freezing on the side of castlereagh st (it's one of the main streets in Sydney's CBD ) whilst a bunch of bemused bystanders waiting for the bus I should've  been waiting for are watching this man read some fat chick with an afro's palms, then he makes me tear up a piece of paper hold it in my hand chant some more and then I open my hand and it's one bloody piece! the bus stop people are now gawking at a free show courtesy of me and I'm trying to catch snippets of what he's saying about money and my mother.

Things apparently in my future;

• I will live to be in my eighties (thanks modern medicine!)

• I will have two children (pretty generic answer there but I suppose if I'm stupid enough to get pregnant once (and decide not to sell it) Ill be stupid enough to get pregnant twice
  
• The two guys in love with me thing; interesting as I barely have one guy in love with me at the moment and that is really dependant entirely on what I cook for dinner. He reveals little else except that my current beau is one of them and the other one doesn't know it (hmm yes I know)
  
• I will become rich successful in my chosen field; apparently I will make people feel better about themselves (I'm thinking I will make my fortune from hiring myself out as the loud, fat, ugly friend who makes the hirer look better by comparison)
• He actually went into detail about my financial woes and actually mentioned several times the main culprit which was a little freaky.
  
• I am apparently obsessed with sex (ok this one isn't much of a secret but he whispered it to me and said "you... you like the sex alot, it's not a bad thing but be careful not alot can keep up with you)

After telling me all of this and then doing some more hand tricks and showing me some laminated cards of his psychic teacher and bits and pieces from his porta-psychic kit he told me I should read the bible every day, I asked him if he meant the 'Christian' bible and he confirmed I should read the 'Christian' Bible I asked him then if he was a Christian, he babbled on and didn't answer my question he then asked if he wanted him to pray for me, and I said something like "If you feel like it go ahead" and then he pulls out another piece of paper and starts writing

"Rich people pay" and he writes $500 on a piece of paper
"normal People pay" and he writes  $300 on the paper
"and poor people pay this" and he writes $200

I start laughing at him, I explain to him that I am beyond poor, I remind him that for the last ten minutes he has mentioned to me how poor I am and that I would not come into money in a very long time, I then tell him that because he is going to take money off me I will be even poorer, he then goes "ok so I can't pray for you then"  and then I said guess not and gave him his money well most of it as I thought I had a $20 note but I only had a $10 and I dumped a wallet full of shrapnel in his portable psychic kitthen he said "but if I pray for you it will come true and you will be forever lucky" I told him sorry and said goodbye

On the way home

• I had to wait 20 inutes in the cold for a bus that is usually every five minutes.
• The bus was held up for another ten minutes halfway through the route as the bus driver had to change buses with another bus driver who was late
• I went to the local supermarket to get some dinner groceries and at the checkout the register had broken mid transaction so they made me wait there for ten minutes... just so they could give me a printed reciept 
• one of the bottles of wine I got on the way home I dropped on the road and no it didn't break, it rolled into the gutter instead
  

things that amuse me

The Spank Bank: Mr Chris Isaak

Oh my frickin' Gawd there is no man alive right now sexier than Mr Chris Isaak! his voice, his hair, the way he dresses, I've been in love since I would of been ten with Chris Isaak and in all honesty I would do pretty much anything to get some pash time with him, I figure once he gets to kiss me because I'm really really good at it he won't want to leave.

I may have watched every episode of his short -lived ( extremely short lives) comedy series The Chris Isaak Show and secretly loved every minute of it, I saw him live about 5 years ago but I haven't been able to afford to go see him since, oh well he'll be back soon (he comes to Australia alot) and I'll be (knickerless and) waiting.

Go watch Wicked Game and if you don't have a man or a lady boner then you are not human.

Mad Me

I'm trying to catch up to Season 3 of Mad Men (currently screening in U.S.A) I love the show ever so much and and have been too busy with a the crap load of other television shows I have waitng to be viewed plus work to prevent me from watching the episodes in the way that I want to watch them... that is in my bed with my hand down my pants a pack of menthol cigarettes in reach, a bottle of cleanskin shiraz on the bedside table and a block of cheese and gluten free crackers and nobody to frickin' interrupt me! so I can watch 13 episodes in a row the way  T.V series in meant to be viewed... right?

But alas in the real world Kimberly (that's me by the way) never can get to watch t.v in the way that she likes so she has to make do with catching up on Mad Men Episodes on her Ipod, on her daily commute, it's not the best way but I do what I have to do to be entertained. But now that there are six episodes of season three stockpiled on my hard drive I decided to spend the last three days dedicated to watching (or rewatcing) every episode from seasons one and two on something larger than a postage stamp, and I did and it was brilliant. and I'm trying now to book some time for my hand/pants/shiraz/cheese/Mad Menathon for my season three episodes.

It has to be soon, it just has to be.

Jumping the gun, as usual

Of course as now that I am totally ageing I went straight to the pharmacy the day I found the grey hair and spent the last of my money on hair dye to make sure that all those grey fuckers were well and truly gone and I think they are (please for the love of Jebus be gone) the downside is I no longer have any more highlights in my hair so now my hair looks like one of those afro wigs you get in a generic pimp costume
Oh it could be worse, I don't know how but I'm sure it could be worse.

Are grey hairs a symptom of an upcoming period? because I  found the hair on Tuesday I think and now it's Friday and I'm totally bleeding... connected right?

Maybe it's payback by my stomach for having gluten, by taking it out on my melanin supply (any doctors reading this blog are so laughing at my lack of brain right now... why would a doctor be reading this crap?)

I had the day off today and bought me some second hand clothing, which made me a happy and from the 70's polyester clothes go swimmingly  with my straight from the 70's polyester looking hair, but more of that will be in the other blog.

I'm looking at the photo comparing us, there is not much difference hairwise, in fact I'm wishing my hair would do the whole ball afro thing at least my hair would look neater and also it would be much easier to dress up as a microphone

Grey skies and hairs ahead.

I was looking in the mirror this morning… as I do most mornings, dwelling on the horrible state my hair is in, it’s no longer short enough to be a cute afro but it’s nowhere near long enough to be cascading ringlets, it’s instead I have this monster of tangles and matting with the occasional blonde remnant from highlights I got last year, anyways I was marvelling at how much my hair had grown since last year using the line left by my highlights and then I saw it a highlighted hair that went all the way to my scalp,  but I haven’t’ had my hair highlighted since November last year, Jiminy cricket what is going on???? I of course panicked and pulled it out straight from the root  and saw it in it’s wiry melanin depleted glory… my first grey, ok it’s not really grey at all it’s actually a beigey colour and I’m hoping and praying that it is a blonde patch (my brother has an unexplained blonde patch)  that I never located due to a lifetime of never being able to see my own scalp a blonde patch of one lone hair but not a grey, it cannot be a grey I cannot go grey at 25 years of age, have you ever seen a hot woman with grey hair (I mean other than Bettina from Play School?) maybe but have you ever seen a hot girl with a salt and pepper afro ? no because grey and frizzy belongs to crazy cat ladies and whilst I hope to become a crazy cat lady (It’s why I moved to be closer to Enmore and have started investing heavily in a ‘vintage’ wardrobe) I was hoping to be hot for the next few years so I can entrap some sucker into knocking me up and ka’ching! child support for the next 20 years! But alas I’m going to have to move fast now before the rest of the buggers move in and I’m ruined! Oh yes there is at home hair dye which is quick and easy to use, but you have never had to dye the regrowth of an afro before and it’s not fun it requires four able bodied people to part the hair and then another two to apply the dye.

 

Sigh.

 

 

The Spank Bank: Part Two

Mr James Garner 

Nuff said really, James Garner is a man, tanned nicely not to the leathery scrotum looking Mr Cary Grant but in a healtyish way (I'm not too fond of tanned me don't know why) anyways, have you seen Maverick (the t.v. series) You haven't well you should even if you aren't into light western comedies from the 50's Maverick rocks, and actually you should watch after James Garner Leaves and Roger Moore replaces him, Roger More isn't really Spank worthy but he is deliciously out of place.

Also The Great Escape! I mean him a Donald Pleasence (to be in a future spank bank) had the whole simmering homoerotic love thing down pat waaay before Brokeback Mountain, I mean James Garner he was the fucking rock, there was nothing he wouldn't do for him!  plus in the Great Escape he wears two clothing items that trigger a knicker change in me, a knitted turtleneck and the colour navy blue...phwoar

Back at work

Back at work after a whole week off sick! Am still sick but cannot afford to be off sick any longer

 

Benefits of being back at work;

a)       Tropic Thunder is playing on loop (it was probably one of the best movies I saw last year)

b)       Not at home crying and praying for a better life under my doona

c)       Got to wear a bra today and not out of boredom, I appreciate the magic powers a bra has in rejuvenating me

d)       Got to wear jeans today, (I have actually been living in this hideous lilac floral mumu for the last week)

e)       Havent’ got  my voice back and people think they are talking to a robot with static, but I don’t care, I can say robot stuff and it’s mildly amusing

f)         Got to have a mental affair on the bus with Jason Bateman and it was hawt! And teen wolf 2 themed

 

 

 

 

 

 

sick

I have been off sick for the whole week I have not had a cold this bad in such a very very very long time, it's quite weird waiting for a cold to go away, I'm not smoking i'm not drinkinga and I'm not eating crap but my head still is full of goo and I have no voice.

I'm also super bored, and in my immense boredom of not having anything to do (and being dosed up on cold a flu tablets and massive amounts of vitamin c) have concocted in my head that someone has died, no body specific, but I have been trawling obituraries for the last few hours and checking facebook to make sure all my friends (or at least all my friends with facebook ) are alive.

I have had unlimited access to internet over the last six days it's the only thing I have the slightest amount of energy to do but I look at it look at the same five sites I always look at and then go straight to bed, I could be making Latvian pen pals or learning Spanish or attempt to read all of Wikipedia I could be attempting to improve myself in some way and all I do is look at clothes, girls in clothes and blogs written about girls in clothes...

Please I hope I'm not becoming dumber,

Please I hope nobody is dead, thinking someone is dead is a horrible feeling

Sick

I haven't left home for the last three days, when I cough I double over in pain, my head hurts, I have no voice and I'm bored beyond belief.

To shake things up today I decided to put on a bra.

How am I going?

I feel like crap! I have felt like crap for a very long time and now I feel like super crap, I wish I could say it's some emotional romantic dilemma that involves a vengeful ex girlfriend and my family held hostage but alas life in the Kimberly world is never adventurous.

I just have a fucking horrible cold, not a boo hoo I'm a little stuffed up better take the day off work wink wink and go to IMAX instead...I wish. It's one of those painful colds where every muscle hurts (especially my right bicep go figure) and my head is packed full of swollen sinus ejaculate (trying to work some new words for snot into everyday conversation) and all I can stomach is soup but when I have soup unless it's chunky I can't tell the difference between it and ejaculate (well that and the fact there is usually a massive quantity difference I'm just chuckling this bit in but look at the the wikipedia entry on ejaculation it has a video) which was what happened with 'The man wth no names' Potato and Leek soup today last night he made mulligatawny which when I'm well is divine and one of the best things on earth but when I'm sick it's spiced ejaculate with chicken and apple pieces.

Ok this really makes me sound like a right slurry doesn't it?


Anyways in Other non ejaculate related Kimberly stories my dear friend 'The Americano' has come and left Australia and we managed to condense two and half years of half arsed friendship into ten days of overbearing clingy awkwardness... and that was just from me

No it was actually quite nice, I really don't have a core group of friends in Sydney who meet up every saturday and talk and drink like they do on T.V most of my friends have either a) moved away from Sydney or b) are individuals that I can't just group together with other friends and kill two birds with one stone or c) people trying to fuck me. So it was good catching up and having amzing meals and drinking massive quanities of alcohol and talking, talking is one of my favourite things except now that when I talk I remember stuff from my drug addled youth(that's Kimberly from ages 17-22) like dressing up in very odd costumes and fighting people in said costumes... which led me to locate said pictures from my fightingd days... day... night.

It's not good Kimberly in grey boilersuit thing made of stretchy paper material not good.

Need more drugs to forget it.

The Spank Bank: part one

Inspired by one of my favourite bloggers Lady SJ and her great collection of 'Men I'd Smoke' I have decided to compile a list of the men I find most attractive in the world a) so I can show my grandkids (that's if i'm unlucky enough to get knocked up and live long enough to see my children get knocked up) the kinky shit I'm into, and also b) gives me an excuse to collect more material for the 'spank bank'

Number One: Mr Lee Marvin

He is my ultimate in Actors and in men, he's the man I would drop everything for, if I encountered a man who looked like Lee Marvin in the mid 1960's I would drop everthing there and then and ride him home. In fact talking about him requires me to go change my knickers.

Number Two: Mr Errol Flynn


Oh Errol! I would do anything just to be with him, yes he is Australian and looks Australian and I have not placed very many Australians into the 'spank bank' as most of the time they look Australian but he rocks a mo' like no one else and Captain Blood is a great movie and phwoar! he looks like he'd be a good no nonsense root (none of that candles and rose petals bull shit)

more to come.

My Childhood in Bad Pop Songs: Part Two

Girlfriend: they lasted a little longer than teen queens and had the sunflower motif down pat. an I went on to absolutely adore Robyn Loau (the islander girl) in the late 90's shame about this hey.

My Childhood in Bad Pop Songs: Part One

This was the debut single from one of the first cassettes I ever owned (by own of course I mean taped off the c.d version my Uncle Barry owned) The Teen Queen were awul they still are awful they were three girls who sang 90's versions of 60's songs

I can't believe how my taste in music has grown

History of the Predictive Text Swearing

woke up early and instead of y'know cleaning like I should be i'm instead watching British comedy duos on Youtube

So...

My friend 'The Americano' is in town for the next few days which is funnily awkward enough as I used to do him and even funnier as now I'm seeing someone else, I haven't got a name for him so he'll be 'The man with no name' I'm only blogging about this because a) I know both of these gentlemen sneak around reading my blog and b) I like to create personal drama when theres not any to begin with.

Even though chances are they'll never meet I'm secretly hoping for a 'Women in Love' style naked brawl (cannot find a video of it online other than this scene) involving them and few other exes of mine, it would be hawt and I could referee and oil everyone up in between rounds. Actually that reminds I should rewatch I forgot how hot young Alan Bates.

must add him to the men I'd smoke list.

I did get a case of Larabars from 'The Americano' which makes me super happy, and super regular too.

Still all and all I love seeing old friends, it gives me the warms and fuzzies

John Hughes is Dead!

 

Stuff Michael Jackson, this is a true artist dead!

 

I love John Hughes movies, they are most of the time meh but I love them ever so much, as a bedridden teenager (yeah I was sick for a bit)  I lived on constant re-watchings of this video I had where channel ten actually had a triple bill one Saturday night of Ferris Buellers Day Off, The Breakfast Club and Weird Science and thanks to my dad making the sizeable investment of purchasing a long play VCR (also it was dual PAL and NTSC how fancy)  I managed to get all three onto the one tape, oh goodness how I thrashed that tape, that and the 1995 BBC Pride and Predjudice mini series with Colin Firth, anyways John Hughes, has probably been one of the biggest influences in my life because of John Hughes I was a smug wordy teenager who didn’t give a damn about what people thought about me and now I’m a smug wordy adult who doesn’t care what anybody thinks (ok I may have to thank partly a good upbringing for some of that thanks Dead Dad and Alive Mum) Ok and also I have to thank John Hughes films for my taste in music, clothes and men.

 

Oh how I love a smouldering 80’s heartthrob, with hair that that touch too long, with unusually straight teeth, dreamy blue eyes, wearing a stripy jumper, or better still a jumper knotted around his shoulders and reeking of Calvin Klein Obsession for Men (I don’t know why but it’s a panty dropping smell )  I remember many a sleepless night as a fourteen year old wishing for a guy that looked like a hybrid between Andrew Mccarthy, John Cusack and Colin Firth, now I just want him to look like Andrew McCarthy circa 1986, in fact I think I’d be happy with Andrew McCarthy he looks like he’d go out of his way to please me.

 

Actually have been gravitating lately to more edgy boys like my beloved Alex, and unkempt boys with facial hair but real facial hair not that spray wispy crap that counts as a beard.

 

Anyways where was I? Oh yeah John Hughes, did you hear he died?

 

 

 

 

At work because I want to be

At work today decided to do overtime as I have to stockpile money for entertainment over the next few weeks (and also to try and fill the gaping hole known as my personal debt). It’s ok because it’s quiet here at work, I’m actually watching Breaking Bad on one of the many T.V.’s here at work and it’s too busy so can actually enjoy my day.

 

Splendour in the Grass was fantabulous even though I was sick and I got to see The Specials and The Happy Mondays right up near the front so I can almost die happy (need to tick off B52’s, New Order, Sufjan Stevens, The Cardigans, Fleetwood Mac, and Dolly Parton off my living musicians I need to see live list)

 

I think I’m going to make Coq Au Vin tonight, or sleep as I’ll be doing it all again tomorrow.