if you are one of the many people who came here looking to look at me in my outfits go to http://whykikiwhy.blogspot.com/

Sunday, December 10

Freedom, delicious freedom, no essays, no examinations, no stalking lecturers for explanations to things I don't understand because I was distracted by thoughts of sex with exes during lectures.

I forgot how wonderful holidays are.

Except of course I have to work my arse off these holidays to survive.

So I won't have much freedom so to speak but I will have time to watch crappy summer television

Saturday, December 2

I may attract losers but...

Ok I don't think in my life I have ever met a 'potential partner' in a normal way, I never get introduced to guys that are friends of friends, I don't flirt with boys in my lectures, I don't get drunk and get felt up in the ladies room.
Instead I have met men when waiting on them, I have met men while on the bus, I have met men after putting make-up on them. Granted none of these realtionships have ever amounted to anything great but I was writing this entry for a reason... wait it was the boy on the bus.
About two years ago I started flirting with a boy on my bus route it wasn't verbal it was all those stolen glances, and smiles that cheesy movies have . No notice taken we were always kept apart by the hundreds of people crammed into a peak hour bus to the city.
Anyway one day while waiting for a movie this is now a year ago, I decide to pop into the nearest pub and have a beer and read my novel (my most favourite thing in the world is reading a good book in a pub with a gorgeous beer) anyway I'm sitting at the the bar reading and I turn around and I see the boy fom the bus he introduces himself, I say hello introduce myself, he tells me how he has seen me on the bus, I respond with a very similar comment about him, then leans forward and mumbles something... ok I heard him loud and clear, he repeats his statement.
"From the first time I saw you I wanted to go down on you."
He said it and I stupidly giggle.
After a couple more bump into each other moments and comments of a similar vein i stupidly give him my number.
It ended up being very embarassing for him and we never spoke again, he'd sms me when he spotted me with a new haircut.
Anyway you are probably wondering why I am writing this all out what does this have to do with the price of eggs?
I bumped into this fellow on the bus the other day, we chatted and went to a pub and had a couple of beers, talked about our lives and I realised (how do I phrase this politely?) that this guy was a bit of a hmm how does 'not compatible with Kimberly' type sound? ok Loser would be much more apt, I left the meeting feeling really happy that I never got involved in anything more than a flirtation.
I have been thinking about it a fair bit these last couple of days, but all in all life is pretty damn sweet, now all I need is to be thinner, richer, smarter and smell like cinnamona dn my life wouuld be perfect.
I may attract losers, but I don't go out with them... GO ME!

Wednesday, November 29

Lucy and Ethel an Adventure

I have two breasts... yes I know gasp!Anyway my two breasts I have named Lucy and Ethel (yes after sitcom characters) anyways. Lucy is starting to give me the absolute shits this week and I'm seriously conidering going amazon on her arse or better still her tit.When I get bored I do this thing called the pencil test you may of heard about it it's a test to officially decide the perkiness of your breasts by seeing their ability to hold up a pencil, if you cannot hold a pencil under them that means "yay you girl have some perky boobies!" Now Ethel (she's on my left) is great at this game she cannot for the life of her hold onto a pencil she flies high and mighty and looks like the breast of a 22 year old.But Lucy... Lucy has been the bane of my existence for the last few months, she failed the pencil test a few months ago, it wasn't major the pencil just stayed there for a few seconds then fell to the floor, So I decided to when I'm at the Gym to focus on chest pulls and boobie lifting exercises, but alas this morning Lucy failed me again and further more I think she has drooped even lower.I don't mind droop it's a part of getting older but a) I'm 22 and b) they should both droop at the same time!I wonder if testicle drop and breast drop have something in common?Now you are probably wondering why on earth would anyone talk in depth about her boobs on myspace?Well my brother reads this blog and I just wanted to make him feel uncomfortable.

Saturday, November 11

All I want for Christmas

God are you there? It's me Kimberly

I think because this has been such a hectic year I deserve a slightly more extravagant Christmas gift than my usual bath salts and cheap christmas themed boxes of chocolates.

So therefore I suggest this


Now if that didn't seem appropriate and a little tacky for Christmas, you could always spend an extra couple grand' on this

I did after all get really good marks and I think you spending copious amounts of money on me is really the only way to ensure that I keep on doing well in my studies, you don't want my grades to suffer do you?

This is what normal people do I hear

Ok I'm assuming that normal people buy affection, I didn't come from a normal family, I came from a family that considered time spent together as a gift, how cheap can you get?

It's time to rectify the trauma of my upbringing... with money, so I can be normal.

C'mon you know you wanna!

Kimberly

P.S. you don't have to buy the gift yourself you can just give the money to this guy and tell him what to do, I know how modest you are.

P.P.S it doesn't need to be gift wrapped

P.P.P.S don't forget to include the charger.

Wednesday, November 1

I may attract losers but..

Ok I don't think in my life I have ever met a 'potential partner' in a normal way, I never get introduced to guys that are friends of friends, I don't flirt with boys in my lectures, I don't get drunk and get felt up in the ladies room.
Instead I have met men when waiting on them, I have met men while on the bus, I have met men after putting make-up on them. Granted none of these realtionships have ever amounted to anything great but I was writing this entry for a reason... wait it was the boy on the bus.
About two years ago I started flirting with a boy on my bus route it wasn't verbal it was all those stolen glances, and smiles that cheesy movies have . No notice taken we were always kept apart by the hundreds of people crammed into a peak hour bus to the city.
Anyway one day while waiting for a movie this is now a year ago, I decide to pop into the nearest pub and have a beer and read my novel (my most favourite thing in the world is reading a good book in a pub with a gorgeous beer) anyway I'm sitting at the the bar reading and I turn around and I see the boy fom the bus he introduces himself, I say hello introduce myself, he tells me how he has seen me on the bus, I respond with a very similar comment about him, then leans forward and mumbles something... ok I heard him loud and clear, he repeats his statement.
"From the first time I saw you I wanted to go down on you."
He said it and I stupidly giggle.
After a couple more bump into each other moments and comments of a similar vein i stupidly give him my number.
It ended up being very embarassing for him and we never spoke again, he'd sms me when he spotted me with a new haircut.
Anyway you are probably wondering why I am writing this all out what does this have to do with the price of eggs?
I bumped into this fellow on the bus the other day, we chatted and went to a pub and had a couple of beers, talked about our lives and I realised (how do I phrase this politely?) that this guy was a bit of a hmm how does 'not compatible with Kimberly' type sound? ok Loser would be much more apt, I left the meeting feeling really happy that I never got involved in anything more than a flirtation.
I have been thinking about it a fair bit these last couple of days, but all in all life is pretty damn sweet, now all I need is to be thinner, richer, smarter and smell like cinnamona dn my life wouuld be perfect.
I may attract losers, but I don't go out with them... GO ME!

Thursday, September 21

Life: it's not so bad... really

I am good, I just got my transcript for school and it was all distinctions.

My new Market Research Job is fun and I enjoy going to work.

I got a new haircut, my hair is black with red streaks. I like it... Well I think I like it.

It's all good, I feel pretty damn good...

Well except for the hayfever, half of my head is congested and the other half is completely clear... yes really! one nostril is blocked, one ear is painful, on eye is teary, it's freaky! I can't even get sick properly, I have to get half-arsed hayfever.

I have to write more, but I have nothing to complain aboute except the usual I'm too fat, too poor, too tired, too dumb, you know the typical annoying complaints that nobody likes to hear.

Now I just need a husband, a three bedroom house in the Lower North Shore (with harbour views of course) A silver Range Rover (with leather seats) and a pug dog I can carry in my oversized Louis Vuitton bag.

Is that too much to ask



Tuesday, August 8

Census Night!

I'm wondering if 'lazy, self absorbed, rock-star wannabe' would be accepted as my religion.

Saturday, July 1

Last Night.

Antibiotics, Perscription Painkillers, Alcohol and Evil

people who used to read the old diary will know exactly what happened.

Thursday, June 15

My head is filling slowly with viscous liquid that borders on gelatinous and my throat is painful and threatens to swell itself shut any moment, I am stuck at home and have nothing to do, the combination of the speedy cold and flu medication and the tranqulizer effect of the cough syrup have me dancing precariously on awake and asleep.

I'm pissed off because I can't even swallow soup, and I like soup.

Monday, June 12

I have learnt over recent weeks that men are stupid!

Ok it's not that men are stupid it just seems to be that the men that I associate with are stupid beyond belief.

Ok I wouldn't say that the men that I associate with are stupid but stupid will be the blanket phrase I would use to describe their ignorance, their ineptitude and their ability to turn me into a bumbling stupid person.

Do you know that before I ever dealt with men I was considered an intelligent individual with a lot of potential, however now I am Kimberly: She Could of been great if she wasn't so tragically obsessed with creatures with chest hair and penises.

On better news one of my Gal pals from High School ' has announced her engagement, I am so happy for her but I honestly just go wow how does someone meet someone they want to spend forever with, when I can't meet anyone I want to spend more than a few hours with?

It's just me whingeing, goodnes I like to complain

Thursday, June 8

I can say my life has changed completley in the time I last wrote an entry, I'm now doing my B.A. in Visual Communicaions, I have a new job which I must say I'm loving to bits, and I haven't got certain people bothering me as much anymore.

For the first time in a long time I think things are getting better,

See Guy I told you I would update.

Please bug me if I don't update I do have things to say, it's just i'm being lazy now and really only come online for porn and knitting patterns, please help me I know you want me to update

Sunday, May 7

How do you stop being indecisive?

What makes you choose something and stick with that decision?

I hate choice, I hate freedom and I hate every possible option out there.

I want someone to tell me what to do... Please

Friday, April 14

"what's cookin?"

My Brother has been up in Sydney for the last few days, and we went to the Sydney Royal Easter Show we rode and we ate and we spent out money in a glorious fashion, everything was great plus the fact that 'The Rolling stones' were performing at the stadium next door so we had an ok soundtrack in the background, anyway as our evening at the Show was drawing to a close my brother Deryn and I decided to get a caricature of us to give to our mother, there was apprehension as my brother and I are very self concious people and are scared about what people think about us physically we are very imposing people physically. anyway the results were great but I think the caricature artist has made the assumtion that my brother and I were in fact boyfriend and girlfriend, what do you think?

"Where the fuck are you?"

you have seen the original campaign

some peopleI know did a parody

go have a look and see what Australia is really like.

Friday, April 7

I am a student again

I am a student again.

for how long I don't know, i'm just testing the waters

I've been testing the waters forever now, and my fingers and toes are all pruney.

gah stupid indecisiveness.

Saturday, March 18


Ladies and gentlemen I have been working (as make-up artist) on a play and it has been absolutely wonderful, so if you are anywhere near Macquarie University and want to see some talented, hot, young things performing one of the worlds most famous plays go and click here and tell them Kimberly the make-up artist sent you, or don't as it doesnt entitle you to a discount or anything, but anyway you should because it's cheaper than a movie, more mentally fulfilling and with live theatre there is always the delicious possibility of someone crashing and burning on stage.


Anyway how am I? I'm alive, and I'm tired and I want to throw actual income making job in and join a gypsy gang, and travel the country cursing people.

Ok am fine amd just finding that the people I thought I knew are different or I'm just more aware of their flaws at the moment, but that might just be me being melodramatic.

Speaking of drama have I mentioned that I am currently working on a play? Romeo and Juliet to be exact, it's at the Lighthouse theatre at Macquarie University and is critically acclaimed (by critically acclaimed of course I mean me) anyway help the kids out and give them your money.

Sunday, March 5

Well

On Thursday I consumed a schnitzel the size of a surfboard.
On Friday I consumed half an aquarium and several cocktails (maybe 8)
On Saturday I consumed 'KFC' an E and several beers

This was all to celebrate the joyous day of my birth.

My liver hurts, my head hurts, the world won't stop spinning, I need to sleep

Tuesday, February 28

Why can a goat find a husband but I have trouble finding a male with conversational skills?

I'm turning 22 on Friday, I hate it and yet, it's great because I'm finally getting closer to the age I currently feel (46 if you must know) but it means that I shoud be more responsible and determine some sort of goal but I have nothing, I don't know what to do.

If you have any suggestions please tell me because aimlessness, sucks.

Sunday, February 12

Another day Another Haircut!


060211_170636.jpg
Originally uploaded by kimberly.lives.
Ok this is my new hairdo it's very short and straight and spikey, I think I like it, I need to play some more with it I think

Thursday, February 9

What to do?

I havent been posting because I'm embarrassed by the fact that I have really nothing to say, my life is full of nothing, I wake up go to a nothing job, spend my money on stupid nothing clothes that I don't need or that will go out of fashion within weeks or books I will forget the moment I complete them.

I need to think of something to do and soon, nothing is killing me.

or at least making me really really bored

What to do?

I havent been posting because I'm embarrassed by the fact that I have really nothing to say, my life is full of nothing, I wake up go to a nothing job, spend my money on stupid nothing clothes that I don't need or that will go out of fashion within weeks or books I will forget the moment I complete them.

I need to think of something to do and soon, nothing is killing me.

or at least making me really really bored

Sunday, January 15

Days of Wine and Roses

Last week has been spent in an alcohol fuelled blur, i have been dancing in nightclubs, drinking at 'Trannie' bars seeing strip shows and Belting out Bon Jovi at Karaoke nights, I am getting the next ten years of partying out in these two weeks because i'm swearing I will never drink in excess again... until my birthday that is

cough, splutter the 3rd of March, cough, cough

Anyway have totally cleared through everything I have saved on drinking with Das Hausguest, but it has been fun and I don't have many friends so when I get one for two whole weeks I just go crazy yo.

Anyway I have to sleep my liver hurts

Thursday, January 5

Kimberly's New Years Resolve

a) I will write more frequently
b) I will try to be more positive
c) I will try to not press the snooze button more than three times any morning
d) I will try to be more positive about life, after all all men aren't assholes, all women aren't cunts and all short people aren't goblins
e) I will save money, more importantly I will save the type of money that can fold rather than the money that can rattle
f) I will try to leave Australia for at least a day this year even if it just means me taking a kayak all the way into international waters.
g) I will be nicer to people and keep my insulting thoughts and comments to a minimum
h) I will lose weight for my mother after all if Oprah can do it with a billion dollars a personal chef and personal trainer I can do it with $7.33 in savings and a couple of soup cans for weights
i) I will buy my brother something he would never buy himself (but it won't be a hooker like I had originally planned)
j) TO BE CONTINUED

The significance of Aluminum to Kimberly a.k.a. I can't sleep

I got really drunk with 'Das Hausguest' and watched "Napoleon Dynamite" I now can't sleep, I have just been on an hour walk through the mean streets of 'the ville' and am still not tired, I have now two options a)lie in bed and letr my thoughts entertain me, or scare me with because they tend to err on the homicidal or b) stay up and hope that I won't fall asleep at work while operating some dangerous mechanical device.

I'm feeling kinda angry and bitter, I know it's due to a lot of aimlessness in life, oh well I now have an aim, I am going to do as much irreversible damage to my organs this month and see what happens.

Ok I'm not really, I can't afford to be an alcoholic unless pubs start accepting soda can ring pulls instead of actual money, which does make sense in the long term because aluminum is so much lighter and you could string them onto things and make the whole money thing, fun and incredibly convenient.

Ok I just really have a surplus of ring pulls and that is odd in itself because I don't like drinking things from cans in general.

Speaking of cans it reminds me of a story about my father, back in the day he used to be quite the party animal, He had parties at his house every weekend and had whole rooms dedicated to making alcohol (he gave me the best recipie for homemade tia maria the secret is International roast coffee) anyway after these parties my father would collect all the cans which would always be in the hundreds and collect all the ringpulls for his major work of art "The ringpull chandelier" Now I wasn't born in the period nor had my Father and Mother met, but I have seen a few photos, and it was a huge majestic glistening monolith and would prgressively get larger and larger after every party and it became the reason why people would come to his parties (that and my father believed in sharing his massive alccohol collection free of charge) Anyway the chandelier was beautiful but being aluminium it had many pros and cons, Aluminum is incredibly light and during a party Dad's chandelier was stolen, he searched high and low, there was almost 100, 000 ringpulls in it (according to several of Dad's friends) and about three or four years of solid work, there were un confirmed sightings all over Australia and apparently a sighting in Thailand, but it was never ever recovered.

And that is why I have a fascination for ring pulls and, also the fact that I cannot sleep has made me think that my thoughts and rambling stories about dead fathers are what you want to read.

Wednesday, January 4

The Hostess with the Mostess

well in about four or five hours I will have a house-guest (how the fuck do you write that?), which should be fine except for the fact that I hate people with a passion, and even though Houseguest (?) is actually a close friend, it sucks that I will have to pretend to be remotely clean, and not walk around 'Casa del Kimberly' in my period underwear spritzing myself with a water spray to keep myself cool, I'll have to be dressed for the next fortnight, gah!

People from my old diary (you know the one that doesn't exist anymore) will know the Hausguest (?) under a more sinister moniker (for the stupid that means he had a more diabolical name) but here we shall refer to him as something else like maybe his christian name... But stay tuned kiddies, I'm guessing it will be a slightly more exciting blog in the next couple of weeks, or I will turf his English arse out within twenty minutes of his arrival due to the crazy heat, Gah! i hate being a friend it really does suck arse and not in the good "I accidentally got the vaccumn nozzle stuck down my pants kind of way"

Tuesday, January 3

Happy New Year

On

NYE 2005 006
Originally uploaded by kimberly.lives.
My New Years Eve, I hung out with gal pal Boo, we got remotely drunk, walked around Darling Harbour, had many people look at out breasts(mainly Boo's she has a killer rack!) yeah we were kinda skankily dressed (as you can see in the photo that was taken by a drunken Englishman) But Boo, had Jesus nestled in between her boobs whereas I had crumbs from lunch, oh and I was fighting the killer migraine caused by light up head-gear that was made for tiny headed people not my fat headed majestic afroed self, but it was the funnest night and I lost lots of money at casino after the fireworks. Oh well to a kickarse 2006!