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Sunday, January 15

Days of Wine and Roses

Last week has been spent in an alcohol fuelled blur, i have been dancing in nightclubs, drinking at 'Trannie' bars seeing strip shows and Belting out Bon Jovi at Karaoke nights, I am getting the next ten years of partying out in these two weeks because i'm swearing I will never drink in excess again... until my birthday that is

cough, splutter the 3rd of March, cough, cough

Anyway have totally cleared through everything I have saved on drinking with Das Hausguest, but it has been fun and I don't have many friends so when I get one for two whole weeks I just go crazy yo.

Anyway I have to sleep my liver hurts

Thursday, January 5

Kimberly's New Years Resolve

a) I will write more frequently
b) I will try to be more positive
c) I will try to not press the snooze button more than three times any morning
d) I will try to be more positive about life, after all all men aren't assholes, all women aren't cunts and all short people aren't goblins
e) I will save money, more importantly I will save the type of money that can fold rather than the money that can rattle
f) I will try to leave Australia for at least a day this year even if it just means me taking a kayak all the way into international waters.
g) I will be nicer to people and keep my insulting thoughts and comments to a minimum
h) I will lose weight for my mother after all if Oprah can do it with a billion dollars a personal chef and personal trainer I can do it with $7.33 in savings and a couple of soup cans for weights
i) I will buy my brother something he would never buy himself (but it won't be a hooker like I had originally planned)

The significance of Aluminum to Kimberly a.k.a. I can't sleep

I got really drunk with 'Das Hausguest' and watched "Napoleon Dynamite" I now can't sleep, I have just been on an hour walk through the mean streets of 'the ville' and am still not tired, I have now two options a)lie in bed and letr my thoughts entertain me, or scare me with because they tend to err on the homicidal or b) stay up and hope that I won't fall asleep at work while operating some dangerous mechanical device.

I'm feeling kinda angry and bitter, I know it's due to a lot of aimlessness in life, oh well I now have an aim, I am going to do as much irreversible damage to my organs this month and see what happens.

Ok I'm not really, I can't afford to be an alcoholic unless pubs start accepting soda can ring pulls instead of actual money, which does make sense in the long term because aluminum is so much lighter and you could string them onto things and make the whole money thing, fun and incredibly convenient.

Ok I just really have a surplus of ring pulls and that is odd in itself because I don't like drinking things from cans in general.

Speaking of cans it reminds me of a story about my father, back in the day he used to be quite the party animal, He had parties at his house every weekend and had whole rooms dedicated to making alcohol (he gave me the best recipie for homemade tia maria the secret is International roast coffee) anyway after these parties my father would collect all the cans which would always be in the hundreds and collect all the ringpulls for his major work of art "The ringpull chandelier" Now I wasn't born in the period nor had my Father and Mother met, but I have seen a few photos, and it was a huge majestic glistening monolith and would prgressively get larger and larger after every party and it became the reason why people would come to his parties (that and my father believed in sharing his massive alccohol collection free of charge) Anyway the chandelier was beautiful but being aluminium it had many pros and cons, Aluminum is incredibly light and during a party Dad's chandelier was stolen, he searched high and low, there was almost 100, 000 ringpulls in it (according to several of Dad's friends) and about three or four years of solid work, there were un confirmed sightings all over Australia and apparently a sighting in Thailand, but it was never ever recovered.

And that is why I have a fascination for ring pulls and, also the fact that I cannot sleep has made me think that my thoughts and rambling stories about dead fathers are what you want to read.

Wednesday, January 4

The Hostess with the Mostess

well in about four or five hours I will have a house-guest (how the fuck do you write that?), which should be fine except for the fact that I hate people with a passion, and even though Houseguest (?) is actually a close friend, it sucks that I will have to pretend to be remotely clean, and not walk around 'Casa del Kimberly' in my period underwear spritzing myself with a water spray to keep myself cool, I'll have to be dressed for the next fortnight, gah!

People from my old diary (you know the one that doesn't exist anymore) will know the Hausguest (?) under a more sinister moniker (for the stupid that means he had a more diabolical name) but here we shall refer to him as something else like maybe his christian name... But stay tuned kiddies, I'm guessing it will be a slightly more exciting blog in the next couple of weeks, or I will turf his English arse out within twenty minutes of his arrival due to the crazy heat, Gah! i hate being a friend it really does suck arse and not in the good "I accidentally got the vaccumn nozzle stuck down my pants kind of way"

Tuesday, January 3

Happy New Year


NYE 2005 006
Originally uploaded by kimberly.lives.
My New Years Eve, I hung out with gal pal Boo, we got remotely drunk, walked around Darling Harbour, had many people look at out breasts(mainly Boo's she has a killer rack!) yeah we were kinda skankily dressed (as you can see in the photo that was taken by a drunken Englishman) But Boo, had Jesus nestled in between her boobs whereas I had crumbs from lunch, oh and I was fighting the killer migraine caused by light up head-gear that was made for tiny headed people not my fat headed majestic afroed self, but it was the funnest night and I lost lots of money at casino after the fireworks. Oh well to a kickarse 2006!