Gah!

So I have spent the whole weekend working my arse off

Shutup! I know I have an awful lot of arse to work off it's a fucking metaphor, but yes I am aware of my giant derrière.

I needs the money and "Splendour in the grass" is next weekend.

I have no money and I need a lot of it by Friday to pay for van hire, camp-site, drugs, food, souvenirs, alcohol

Curse my inability to save and plan ahead.

I just found an unexplained slip in my letterbox saying I have a package waiting for me, I have not purchased anything off the Internet for a few weeks so I'm wondering if I'm so possessions obsessed that I am now logging onto Ebay in my sleep and buying cowboy boots, whilst not good for my bank balance it's pretty cool if you think about it.

That or my bills are so big and cumbersome now that they no longer fit in my letterbox.

I hate surprises when I don't know about them beforehand... Ok I actually love surprises but I like to be the one surprising people.

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This is why...

This is why you need to exfoliate regularly people.

Otherwise this will be you

a tad distracted

I'm supposed to be in class right now. I woke up nice and early battled peak hour commuters, and slow trains and got here with seven minutes to spare.

I Rule!

Except when I double check my timetable to find out that my lecture today doesn't start for five more weeks, another day wasted.

I must admit I have been a little distracted of late, I am giving far too much thought to certain people right now, and it's affecting my day to day life.

The worst thing about my distractedness today is I could of watched all of Kochie and Mel .

Nobody Noticed.

Nobody noticed my nice boobies today.

However it was counteracted by some young students thinking I was only eighteen, and when I said I was twenty-three they were genuinely shocked... I know how weird is that, but I must say I'm looking mighty good at the moment, or my make-up is at least.

what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

Saturday I went after work to a going away party, as it was technically my last day of the booze-a-palooza known as my holidays I thought I would go hard, and hard I did.

I apparently made out with someone at Vegas, someone with a girlfriend, but all I can remember is playing with somebodies ear (confession: I have a thing for boys ears) oh well if I can't remember it, it does not exist... right?

It's very funny for the sheer fact that I never get drunk and pash random guys in bars, I'm the sort of person who gets drunk and then makes fun of those people who make out in bars (I am often heard yelling at couples dry humping on pub couches "Get a fucking room or at least go into a toilet cubicle") it's pretty bloody tacky in my opinion (I'm not a public display of tongue related affection kind of girl), but now I'm one of those losers.

I'm not saying I haven't made out with people in public, but I was on pills at the time (so was he) and I would of made out with a telegraph pole (so would he) if given the chance that night.


Lets hope this was a one off show... How do you pub sluts do it?

I'm assuming that this blog is popular with the 'Pub Slut' Community.

I thought I was

I thought I was hungover.

I'm actually still drunk! at midday

details when I get home... I'm in a net cafe right now

What an age we live in!

I just did my tax return in bed, wearing only a pair of hot pink cotton underwear and an old yellow beach towel that I spilled red nail polish on wrapped around my head, whilst talking to Babs about the catastrophe that is the male species and alcohol I could not of gotten away with that at H&R Block.

I love you technology

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alcohol = band-aid

There are too many drunk photos of me on facebook, there would be more except I don't think people can remember my name (thank god!)

This however has not deterred me from drinking tonight, I'm in an absolute shit of a mood and I have needed to drink a lot these last few weeks to forget about the source of my shitty mood.

At work we are right now conducting surveys on behalf of a multi-national-weight-loss-conglomerate, the exact same conglomerate that will be using me in their commercial as "depressed fat girl on the beach" so technically they are paying me twice, but also has me more concerned as when a company starts doing market research (especially with our company) it means that they are going to bombard the media in the near future with advertising and promotions, which means my arse is going to be out there a lot, which if it happened whilst I was drunk would be fine (being mooned by me is one of the top ten things to do in Sydney list as voted by tourists) but me on your television during dinner every night for three months might be a tad scary.

I think I'll be drinking more in the future.

Justification

It's so freakin' cold! I have to go collect course schedules but bed and duvet/doona are so much warmer, I should also clean my flat and do some laundry and buy some groceries and all in all be a mature responsible adult, but recent evidence (a.k.a my life) has indicated I really am a five year old child with a fondness for gin.

Saturday Night I went to a housewarming of a friend with my beloved Boo, I consumed alot, I woke upon Sunday in the doorway with lots of miscellaneous little scratches on my body, was thinking and I shouldn't combine flu medication with hard liquor, but a dripping nose is so annoying while drinking.

Or maybe I should stop the drinking whilst I'm sick? but of course it is the coldest winter on record here in Sydney and I have to keep on drinking in order to keep my body alive... right?

note: Alcoholics can justify anything

I better go get my schedules and timetables.

Does anyone want to go see some comedians tonight?

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Is it a Bird? Is It a Plane? No it's Super Brother!!!

I needed a hug today and as soon as I get home my brother is on my doorstep with one for me, I'm so lucky to have a brother like him.

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I shaved my armpits for this?

Earlier this week I had an audition for a commercial for one of those multi-national weight loss conglomerates and yesterday I found out I got the part of the 'fat girl who walks along the beach in her bathers' which was fine, I have modelled in a lot less clothing before so wearing a swimsuit would be absolutely fine...

except

It's winter, the shoot was at seven am this morning and did I mention it was winter?

Anyways look out for my cellulite on a television near you (if you happen to be in Australia or NZ) in the upcoming months

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soothe

Music will soothe the savage beast. I needs to dance

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Just what I need

Yay, 'In the Company of Men' is on television, whenever I watch it, it reinforces that belief I have that men are arseholes.

Now I'm off to break some balls

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Stupidity: Version 1247

I just got me a big order of t-shirts on threadless granted half the order is for Deryn, but when it comes to novelty t-shirts I'm easily swayed.

Anyways paying rent in full and on time is for suckahs!

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I had the oddest dream last night, I was sitting at a table talking about my engagement ring (apparently I was engaged) everyone was gushing over it, but when i looked at it it was a shard of china (ceramic not he country) suspended on a piece of wire, and I was eating Larabars (they are these delicious organic food bars you can only get in the U.S and no mention was made of my alleged fiancée, but I was all excited about the zombie theme for my wedding.

I'm blogging this because I have nothing really to say today, and it's an odd dream for me and I keep on thinking about it, and also I so want a Larabar right now

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What Ifs

I daydream far too much.

And of late they have been becoming far too elaborate, my life is full of far too many 'What ifs' I spent all shift thinking about how bad or unfortunate my timing is.

I need to focus, new semester soon, Splendour in the Grass soon, hot and sexy man with millions of dollars and low standards moving next door soon.

Wait. reality. deep breath. focus Kimberly

The Kimberly of Yore

I used to be worse, I used to be a lot louder, I used to be aggressive, I used to be much more demanding, I was scathing with my insults and I got away with it all.

I don't know what happened but slowly I became nicer, friendlier, I smiled more often and now I look at myself and the way people are treating me and I'm getting walked all over, OK I just feel like this today, but I have a feeling I will feel the same tomorrow. And OK I have probably been encouraging this behaviour.

Maybe I should start getting back to the old Kimberly who was loud, arrogant who stomped her feet and got her own way, I need things to start going my way.

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Lessons Learned while on my two week holiday from reality. a.k.a Bedridden and when not bedridden overcompensating with partying

1) I'm still hot
2) That I will never ever fear being attracted to any of my darling friend Boo's beaux as they are all an 'acquired' taste (I say this Boo as you my darling are the only person who reads this and you already know what I think about your taste in boys and I just want it on record)
3) Even though I'm very easy to get drunk, It's very hard to actually get me to passed out and date rapeable much to to the dismay of Taxi drivers at 6:30am.
4) I'm still hot
5) I gravitate to the computer a lot when I'm out of it (I suppose it's the modern day equivalent of being a loud opinionated drunk instead I drink and blog)
6) I need to find a partner or a maid at least, I'm pathetic while sick and my flat is a testament to that.
7) I am still in awe of the the magic of quality make-up when it's applied by a professional (a.k.a me) it can hide so many flaws caused by sins.

why?

why is it that only taxi drivers at six am find me attractive?

I swear no one else does.

If i HA==D GTHE MJKONEY i
D BE AN ALCOHO9LIC, ACTUALLYY IF I HNAD YTHER MOHEUUY I'SD BE A CRACK HEAKD==D BUT u DIN'T SO i'M STUCK WITH ALCOHOL MMMM BOOZE, '

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Welcome Back!

On Wednesday I won tickets to a show, I got drunk beyond belief and I haven't left bed since (except for meals).

Now I'm out of bed, and back to reality.

Did you miss me?

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I'm not dumb, I just look that way

OK so I don't think I'm that smart, but I did this all by myself and I'm sick to boot, I'm happy my brain isn't melting yet, you should give it a go it's a good way to waste five maybe ten minutes, and it makes you slightly more well versed on what's going on in the Middle East without actually reading any of those boring news articles.

It hurts to live.

It hurts to live....

I'm really quite sick and my body is now getting all ouchy, and one of the main foods I have been existing on is my own phlegm.

Still having my delirious marriage fantasies, are there any takers? I'm a cheap date, I can survive on my own phlegm... now how about a kiss?

And because I am one some stupid unprocessed wheat-free, sugar-free, caffeine-free flavour-free diet I have no fun sick people food to eat like ice cream and peanut butter and snickers bars, Or my favourite my fathers magic brown drink, it contained lemon juice, honey, lemon zest, aspirin, scotch or brandy and topped with boiling water it was the bestest and I never can get the ratios right (I suspect Father kept the alcohol content quite high in order to keep us drunk and not complaining about having a cold) but I don't have any scotch in the house, and I can't speak so I can't even call mother to pick some up and she doesn't know how to read text messages. GAH!

Father used to also check the progress of our colds by making us smell the vanilla essence bottle if we couldn't smell the vanilla we were still sick, and when our eyes were watering because inhaled vanilla and alcohol into our sinuses we were obviously better, in really bad pain, but healthier.

Ooh I forgot I think the bottle shop delivers (Marrickville Rocks!), can you drink alcohol with cold and flu tablets?

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