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Sunday, April 22

OK Stupid

Last night I went out with Boo, and our intention was to party hard and flirt... OK it was Boo's intention to party hard and flirt it was my intention to go out and avoid drinking beer.

Of course in typical Kimberly fashion I failed, but I didn't go too badly as I only had two light beers, one white wine and a glass of diet coke so all in all I think I won, I can drink wine without the queasiness except drinking house wine in a nightclub is like drinking cold cat piss, while holding a glass that screams like a beacon to all other nightclub patrons "Look at me, I have no idea what I'm doing here, I just wanted to get away from the bloody kids" which totally contradicted my sleek all black outfit persona I was trying to pull off.

Night was kinda dampened by the sight of the worst that can happen in a relationship, worst was that it was happening to someone we knew. I was thankful that I have never experienced anything like that.

Went from Ubercool nightclub to Bogan Bar to the world renowned 'Townie' and Boo and I bumped into our friend 'Miss Mona' who was celebrating her 21st Birthday, met some new and lovely people realised that we were all on the same networking (OK dating) website. It's not really a proper dating site as it's free but it looks like one and most people are on there because of dating but I swear I'm only on OkCupid for the quizzes, and to look and see what single men look like... I like to look at people and read what they have to say about themselves without actually becoming their friends, there's nothing wrong with that right?

Thursday, April 19

I suck at quitting jobs I really do, the last time I resigned from a job, my boss managed to convince me to stay on another month and a half on a quarter of my wage... (slight exaggeration, more like half)

Well you see tonight I quit my waitressing job, I was fine I was enjoying my job, it's so easy except for the Angry vain boss, who contradicts everything he says and and annoying mix CD of ethnic music interspersed with Celine Dion on constant loop.

It was great tonight all wonderful customers, I was wonderful, so wonderful a patron offered me a very large tip, now it's to be said in Australia in restaurants, cafes and the like that tips usually left on the table go into a communal tip jar and either are divided amongst the staff equally or more often than not go into a end of week/month booze fund for the staff, but that's OK Australia isn't a tipping country, and since I have been working there I know patrons have been leaving some lovely tips so I was looking forward to my cut of it, So like the money hungry person that I am asked what happens to the tips?

Nobody gets tips here, how do you think I pay you

(that's me remember) Well don't you pay staff and all other expenses related to the restaurant from the revenue obtained from the food that you serve?

Go Away! Take these entrees to table 6

The seed was finally planted, since I decided to take this job countless people My Brother, Mother, The Americano, The Homeless lady with the Garbage Bag Dress have all told me to quit, but I ignored them all mostly because I do it so well and partly because I like money, but tonight I cracked, after he yelled at me for not doing something that he yelled at me earlier for doing... well I didn't so much crack as laugh and say "well have a nice life" it was quiet, and restrained for me but when I got outside I laughed and skipped home while in my head the 'I got a golden ticket' song was going through my head, I have to quit jobs more often.

Sunday, April 15


Dead Dad Day went a lot better than expected, mainly because I slept most of it, then I went to work at 'The Restaurant' I forgot how good I am as a waitress, people seem to like me a lot more when I'm serving them, which is fine as I think in some sick way I like to serve people.

The boss is a very vain man who has decked out 'The Restaurant' in every possible tacky souvenir possible and there is an entire wall of photoshopped images of him surrounded with fairy lights, he is easily angered and refuses to wear his glasses while working so he cannot read the orders and complains loudly because I haven't written things in metre high letters for him.

The staff is his wife, a woman who seems non talkative, a hodgepodge of Nepalese youth on holiday visas, a couple of young men with young wives and newborn children to support, they all collectively cringe when I raise my voice or question the boss, one of the workers went so far as to shoosh me when I vocalised my conflicting opinions... but I will persevere as I need money and this job gives me the three magic words that makes it all worthwhile 'Cash in Hand'

Thursday, April 12

Another year another Dead Dad Day

It's odd I hate the 13th of April (tomorrow) , I will hate it for the rest of my life, it's only a day. I mean the thirteenth of April has nothing to do with my father's death, but I still would rather blame it than cigarettes, fatty food, and the stress of existence.

I wish sometimes I was one of those people that could break down and cry, one of those emotionally open people that can talk about their feelings and 'workshop' my emotions... but I'm not, I can't stand those people that do, I think it's incredibly selfish personally, so when someone comes to me with a problem or a dillema I nod I smile I suggest nonsensical crap and lots of alcohol.

Now I'm off to take my own advice.

P.S. yes I know alcohol isn't a solution but I am much more of a band-aid solution kinda girl

No sex and no wheat makes Kimberly Something, Something.

A stupid decision I made a few days ago has me now working and incredibly suspect restaurant amongst a bevvy of illegal immigrants, I have no idea why I even applied, I don't need the job, I have market research...
The restaurant was just very close to my flat and they only waitresses for three or four hours shifts and the owner is hilariously vile, I imagine I'm going to blow up at him and storm off within the week.

I guessing the irrational job application is a side effect of not being able to have pasta, or bread or different kinds of bread, But surprisingly I am coping very well without sex it's only been one week, five days and twenty-two hours since I last got laid... and I'm not obsessing about it at all.

Monday, April 9

All work and no wheat makes Kimberly go something
All work and no wheat makes Kimberly go something
All work and no wheat makes Kimberly go something
All work and no wheat makes Kimberly go something
All work and no wheat makes Kimberly go something

I just realised after typing it out five time I could of just copied and pasted it four more times.

See what happens when I don't get any toast.

Doctor made me give up wheat again because it made me think I was pregnant.

She said that wheat was a bad influence on me and we couldn't be friends anymore, which is a shame because I loved wheat I really did, wheat completed me filled me with it's starchy love, visited me in so many forms as pasta, as freshly baked bread rolls, as biscuits and in beer but no more I have to be yet again one of those gluten free wankers.

It could be worse I suppose, I could be short.

P.S. wheat free stuff is really expensive

Friday, April 6

Things I have learnt this week.

1) My brother is hopeless without me as much as he tries to deny it
2) There is a limit to how much jam one can consume in one day and it's less than a jar
3) I am apparently a very cruel person when I'm not getting laid
4) It's really fun kicking pigeons/ stray dogs/ homeless people
5) If I don't pay my mobile phone bill on time, I don't receive any of my text messages.
6) Stumbleupon is the single most destructive thing I have ever encountered online