How am I going?

I feel like crap! I have felt like crap for a very long time and now I feel like super crap, I wish I could say it's some emotional romantic dilemma that involves a vengeful ex girlfriend and my family held hostage but alas life in the Kimberly world is never adventurous.

I just have a fucking horrible cold, not a boo hoo I'm a little stuffed up better take the day off work wink wink and go to IMAX instead...I wish. It's one of those painful colds where every muscle hurts (especially my right bicep go figure) and my head is packed full of swollen sinus ejaculate (trying to work some new words for snot into everyday conversation) and all I can stomach is soup but when I have soup unless it's chunky I can't tell the difference between it and ejaculate (well that and the fact there is usually a massive quantity difference I'm just chuckling this bit in but look at the the wikipedia entry on ejaculation it has a video) which was what happened with 'The man wth no names' Potato and Leek soup today last night he made mulligatawny which when I'm well is divine and one of the best things on earth but when I'm sick it's spiced ejaculate with chicken and apple pieces.

Ok this really makes me sound like a right slurry doesn't it?


Anyways in Other non ejaculate related Kimberly stories my dear friend 'The Americano' has come and left Australia and we managed to condense two and half years of half arsed friendship into ten days of overbearing clingy awkwardness... and that was just from me

No it was actually quite nice, I really don't have a core group of friends in Sydney who meet up every saturday and talk and drink like they do on T.V most of my friends have either a) moved away from Sydney or b) are individuals that I can't just group together with other friends and kill two birds with one stone or c) people trying to fuck me. So it was good catching up and having amzing meals and drinking massive quanities of alcohol and talking, talking is one of my favourite things except now that when I talk I remember stuff from my drug addled youth(that's Kimberly from ages 17-22) like dressing up in very odd costumes and fighting people in said costumes... which led me to locate said pictures from my fightingd days... day... night.

It's not good Kimberly in grey boilersuit thing made of stretchy paper material not good.

Need more drugs to forget it.

So...

My friend 'The Americano' is in town for the next few days which is funnily awkward enough as I used to do him and even funnier as now I'm seeing someone else, I haven't got a name for him so he'll be 'The man with no name' I'm only blogging about this because a) I know both of these gentlemen sneak around reading my blog and b) I like to create personal drama when theres not any to begin with.

Even though chances are they'll never meet I'm secretly hoping for a 'Women in Love' style naked brawl (cannot find a video of it online other than this scene) involving them and few other exes of mine, it would be hawt and I could referee and oil everyone up in between rounds. Actually that reminds I should rewatch I forgot how hot young Alan Bates.

must add him to the men I'd smoke list.

I did get a case of Larabars from 'The Americano' which makes me super happy, and super regular too.

Still all and all I love seeing old friends, it gives me the warms and fuzzies

Um err I um, I might of been a little drunk last night, I managed to get an invite to a British India show at the Annandale, decided I also wanted to see improv comedy as well (I like the improv comedy) so went and saw some of that too, I dragged my darling Boo out into the cold and we drank and laughed and we drank and then we drank and then we went to Maccas, and boo being the darling she is ate the bread off my burgers so I wouldn't get sick, I loves her ever so much.


I think I'm still a little drunk.

My Sydney Riot: Part Deux

Just got home festival was fan-fucking-tastic, but that might be because of the copious amounts of alcohol and the pill I took today.

Actually it was amazing every band I saw were great and the D.J's kicked right royal arse!

I bumped into an old girlfriend from make-up school and we talked and talked and talked, and danced and talked some more, bumped into more people from various other make-up jobs and we had a right royal blast, I left them all as they were progressing to some after party as I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed which I plan on doing soon.

I'm now thinking about the last time I took a pill which was my birthday (remember when I threw up on about fifteen people on a bus) which reminded me of the person I covered the most in vomit 'The Americano' which is now leading to the thought of sex, which is now making me horny.

Or I could really go some ice-cream right now.

Anyways I'm happy and horny, possibly hungry

My Sydney Riot

I have nothing much to say, I'm on my way to the 'My Sydney Riot' Festival, yay alcohol and music, and the last 'Cuthbert and the Nightwalkers' full show for three months which makes me sad because they are a great live act.


So if you are there and see a fat girl stumbling around say hi, or better still steer clear, or better still come along and hit on Boo, she'll be there too and needs some boy action.

I Got the Golden Ticket

I never thought my life could be
Anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see
A bit of good luck for me

'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden twinkle in my eye

It Only took three hours of clicking a button every sixty seconds, but I did it I'm going to Splendour!!!!!!!

I'm going with Boo, and my Brother, and lots of other friends. I'm so happy it looks like an awful lot of people missed out and are very very pissed off

I'm going to Splendour.

i'm tipsy...ish

i just got home from make-up job and seeing a band, and seeing a friend,

it's all good and the fact that I no lnger consume refined sugar makes it really easy for me to get drunk, three beers and I'm all smily.

did I mention that I have given up refined and pocessed sugar?

PROBABLY DIDN'T It doesn't really sound klike something I would say.

I like talking to boys while drinking beer, it's sooo much fun.

uyes I know i shouldn't be drinking beer, but wine sucks and I cannot drink lolluy drinks.'
get of my calse mum.

mmmm sleep.

The band sucked, iok the band didn't suck but theikr lead singer was as charismati as a nazi with leprosy and the sound was really distorted and because of cast memebers beinfg late I missed out on seeing the act I wanted to see.

ok now to bed

I haven't posted much of late because I took my computer to a repair guy and when I got it back it wouldn't connect onto the internet.

That and I have had a life... ok not so much of a life but I've actually been busy, busy, busy.

and yes saying something three times makes it seem much more important.

On Monday: I saw my beloved 'Richie' and we had coffee and caught up and hugged and ate thai food, all in all my perfect friend date.

On Monday Night: Dumbass Chef/DJ/Ex calls me and propositions me for sex, I being Miss High and Mighty 2006 turned him down with the (fake) excuse that I have a boyfriend, he being the dumbass that he is then asked me what I thought about "a bit on the side?" I proceeded to laugh at him and suggest instead of sex that we catch up for a coffee, I wonder why he didn't take me up on my offer?

On Tuesday & Wednesday: Nothing to Report

On Thursday (Yesterday): After work at "The Company" me and girlfriend from work, head to the Annandale to see a friends band "Cuthbert and the Nightwalkers" My intention for the night was that I would see the band and get home by midnight... Of course I always seem to forget that I am Kimberly and I never manage to stick to any plans. So my early night ended up being an all night conversation with a friend of a friend of mine who I unexpectedly bumped into at 'The Annandale' that was punctuated with lots of alcohol and the occasional pub shutting down, all in all we managed to stay in pubs until 6am I felt so rock and roll. Plus I made a new friend and he seems to rock.

Now I'm On my way to work and a night out with my other beloved Boo, I have only slept an hour so I don't think I'll last long tonight, wish me luck.

I haven't posted much of late because I took my computer to a repair guy and when I got it back it wouldn't connect onto the internet.

That and I have had a life... ok not so much of a life but I've actually been busy, busy, busy.

and yes saying something three times makes it seem much more important.

On Monday: I saw my beloved 'Richie' and we had coffee and caught up and hugged and ate thai food, all in all my perfect friend date.

On Monday Night: Dumbass Chef/DJ/Ex calls me and propositions me for sex, I being Miss High and Mighty 2006 turned him down with the (fake) excuse that I have a boyfriend, he being the dumbass that he is then asked me what I thought about "a bit on the side?" I proceeded to laugh at him and suggest instead of sex that we catch up for a coffee, I wonder why he didn't take me up on my offer?

On Tuesday & Wednesday: Nothing to Report

On Thursday (Yesterday): After work at "The Company" me and girlfriend from work, head to the Annandale to see a friends band "Cuthbert and the Nightwalkers" My intention for the night was that I would see the band and get home by midnight... Of course I always seem to forget that I am Kimberly and I never manage to stick to any plans. So my early night ended up being an all night conversation with a friend of a friend of mine who I unexpectedly bumped into at 'The Annandale' that was punctuated with lots of alcohol and the occasional pub shutting down, all in all we managed to stay in pubs until 6am I felt so rock and roll. Plus I made a new friend and he seems to rock.

Now I'm On my way to work and a night out with my other beloved Boo, I have only slept an hour so I don't think I'll last long tonight, wish me luck.

OK Stupid

Last night I went out with Boo, and our intention was to party hard and flirt... OK it was Boo's intention to party hard and flirt it was my intention to go out and avoid drinking beer.

Of course in typical Kimberly fashion I failed, but I didn't go too badly as I only had two light beers, one white wine and a glass of diet coke so all in all I think I won, I can drink wine without the queasiness except drinking house wine in a nightclub is like drinking cold cat piss, while holding a glass that screams like a beacon to all other nightclub patrons "Look at me, I have no idea what I'm doing here, I just wanted to get away from the bloody kids" which totally contradicted my sleek all black outfit persona I was trying to pull off.

Night was kinda dampened by the sight of the worst that can happen in a relationship, worst was that it was happening to someone we knew. I was thankful that I have never experienced anything like that.

Went from Ubercool nightclub to Bogan Bar to the world renowned 'Townie' and Boo and I bumped into our friend 'Miss Mona' who was celebrating her 21st Birthday, met some new and lovely people realised that we were all on the same networking (OK dating) website. It's not really a proper dating site as it's free but it looks like one and most people are on there because of dating but I swear I'm only on OkCupid for the quizzes, and to look and see what single men look like... I like to look at people and read what they have to say about themselves without actually becoming their friends, there's nothing wrong with that right?

'The Americano' leaves tommorrow, which makes me sad.

Not in a melodramatic 'Anna Karenina throw myself on the train tracks' kind of way, but in a 'aww geeze that's the way life goes' kind of way, I mean the last few months have been lots of fun.

Plus regular high quality sex, I have found out that when I'm getting laid I'm much more tolerable to be around.

So yeah I want some sympathy, and a battery operated bedroom aid, or something to help strengthen my wrists.

I haven't posted recently, uni has resumed, work is at full swing and I have had some semblance of a life... and I have been trying to think of a way to describe my birthday without a) incriminating myself, b) incriminating others and most importantly c) humiliating myself but I can't do anything that doesn't in some way humilate myself so here it is, yet another patented Kimberly tale of public humiliation.

OK my birthday rocked, I had a blast, I had Teppanyaki and Cocktails with my beloved friends (and former d-landers) Tit-ho and Boo the day before, and woke up on my birthday sluggish dehydrated and well after midday... all good signs in my opinion.

Surfing the net on my birthday I saw the first sign that my birthday would rock "the rocky horror picture show" was screening that night...

OK I have intentionally not mentioned a certain person of late primarily because I know he reads this thing... well you see I have been 'seeing' him but I won't be using the term 'seeing' as it apparently indicates something long term (his words not mine) and however blast one does describe the situation I am in (I refuse to use the term fuckbuddy as it makes me seem like a gullible slut with no self esteem... but it is an almost suitable term except I am not 'that' gullible or pathetic) but he is a foreigner and he leaves the country soon, Boo has nicknamed him 'The Americano' and as I cannot think of a suitable nickname without revealing his identity so I too will be calling him 'The Americano' and also it makes him sound rather exotic.

Anyways back to my Birthday, On my way to meet 'The Americano' I realise that I have forgotten my house keys therefore am locked out, that should of been the first sign of a night destined for ruin. I met with 'The Americano' and we saw 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'... yes please bear with me it's not a very amusing anecdote yet. Anyway the movie rocked partly because it's a great movie and partly because we may of smoked something beforehand... yes I know drugs are bad, but it's my birthday... so shut up.

Anyway the night was still young and my birthday coincided with 'The Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras' so we had to go out and party some more, we may of ingested a little round thing each, but details are hazy in regards to that part. And we crawled down oxford st, and danced and danced and danced and danced and danced and danced, I danced so much that I had forgotten that I had consumed nothing all day except a toasted cheese sandwich and an ice cream and a few.. a few alcoholic beverages.

As the night drew to a close came the most memorable part of the night, exhausted beyond belief, 'The Americano' and I catch the bus home, I'm a little dizzy a little tired and a little gassy and I let out a little cough.

Except what I thought was a cough wasn't... and after I finished my cough I realise that 'The Americano' and the two girls sitting on the other side of me and myself are all covered in vomit, my vomit.

I have heard lots of stories from lots of people about drunken vomiting in public, I however in my many years of being a lush have avoided the trend itself, and would always point and laugh at all those pathetic people who did it as it's so sad. Well on the first day of the 23rd year of my life I slipped down a notch and joined the tragic drunks of the world.


What made it worse was not the two innocent strangers who I covered with my bile but the fact that I had covered the Americano and myself in my stomach contents and that now we would have to go back to his house as I couldn't run to my house and hide as I was locked out covered in my vomit.

What I should mention that due to things ingested earlier that evening the whole experience at the time was hilarious and in hindsight still is, with all the bad things said about drugs, it makes vomiting on people (and apparently being vomited on also) a much more pleasant experience.

What I have learnt from my experience.

• That it is very difficult to wash vomit out of clothing in a bathtub while naked and trying not to wake-up the flatmates.
  
• It is very difficult to strike a conversation with someone that you have vomited over.

Kimberly:
So sorry about that

Americano:
It's OK it Happens

Kimberly:
yeah I know but it's so... Oh wait hold on there some partially digested orange segment in your hair

Americano:
Oh yeah thanks

Kimberly:
So...

Americano:
So...

• When you have money you should place it in your wallet and not crumple it into a ball and hope it falls into your handbag
• Stories about public vomiting are great ice breakers when talking to strangers.

An Excursion

, originally uploaded by poster_of_a_girl.

I went to the Aquarium and a Zoo with my galpal Boo yesterday, fun was had by all and many a cute photo was taken. I was however very dissapointed that I didn't see anything die at all during my trip except on the bus trip home but you expect at least a couple of people to die on the bus ride home.