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Wednesday, November 29

Lucy and Ethel an Adventure

I have two breasts... yes I know gasp!Anyway my two breasts I have named Lucy and Ethel (yes after sitcom characters) anyways. Lucy is starting to give me the absolute shits this week and I'm seriously conidering going amazon on her arse or better still her tit.When I get bored I do this thing called the pencil test you may of heard about it it's a test to officially decide the perkiness of your breasts by seeing their ability to hold up a pencil, if you cannot hold a pencil under them that means "yay you girl have some perky boobies!" Now Ethel (she's on my left) is great at this game she cannot for the life of her hold onto a pencil she flies high and mighty and looks like the breast of a 22 year old.But Lucy... Lucy has been the bane of my existence for the last few months, she failed the pencil test a few months ago, it wasn't major the pencil just stayed there for a few seconds then fell to the floor, So I decided to when I'm at the Gym to focus on chest pulls and boobie lifting exercises, but alas this morning Lucy failed me again and further more I think she has drooped even lower.I don't mind droop it's a part of getting older but a) I'm 22 and b) they should both droop at the same time!I wonder if testicle drop and breast drop have something in common?Now you are probably wondering why on earth would anyone talk in depth about her boobs on myspace?Well my brother reads this blog and I just wanted to make him feel uncomfortable.

Saturday, November 11

All I want for Christmas

God are you there? It's me Kimberly

I think because this has been such a hectic year I deserve a slightly more extravagant Christmas gift than my usual bath salts and cheap christmas themed boxes of chocolates.

So therefore I suggest this

Now if that didn't seem appropriate and a little tacky for Christmas, you could always spend an extra couple grand' on this

I did after all get really good marks and I think you spending copious amounts of money on me is really the only way to ensure that I keep on doing well in my studies, you don't want my grades to suffer do you?

This is what normal people do I hear

Ok I'm assuming that normal people buy affection, I didn't come from a normal family, I came from a family that considered time spent together as a gift, how cheap can you get?

It's time to rectify the trauma of my upbringing... with money, so I can be normal.

C'mon you know you wanna!


P.S. you don't have to buy the gift yourself you can just give the money to this guy and tell him what to do, I know how modest you are.

P.P.S it doesn't need to be gift wrapped

P.P.P.S don't forget to include the charger.

Wednesday, November 1

I may attract losers but..

Ok I don't think in my life I have ever met a 'potential partner' in a normal way, I never get introduced to guys that are friends of friends, I don't flirt with boys in my lectures, I don't get drunk and get felt up in the ladies room.
Instead I have met men when waiting on them, I have met men while on the bus, I have met men after putting make-up on them. Granted none of these realtionships have ever amounted to anything great but I was writing this entry for a reason... wait it was the boy on the bus.
About two years ago I started flirting with a boy on my bus route it wasn't verbal it was all those stolen glances, and smiles that cheesy movies have . No notice taken we were always kept apart by the hundreds of people crammed into a peak hour bus to the city.
Anyway one day while waiting for a movie this is now a year ago, I decide to pop into the nearest pub and have a beer and read my novel (my most favourite thing in the world is reading a good book in a pub with a gorgeous beer) anyway I'm sitting at the the bar reading and I turn around and I see the boy fom the bus he introduces himself, I say hello introduce myself, he tells me how he has seen me on the bus, I respond with a very similar comment about him, then leans forward and mumbles something... ok I heard him loud and clear, he repeats his statement.
"From the first time I saw you I wanted to go down on you."
He said it and I stupidly giggle.
After a couple more bump into each other moments and comments of a similar vein i stupidly give him my number.
It ended up being very embarassing for him and we never spoke again, he'd sms me when he spotted me with a new haircut.
Anyway you are probably wondering why I am writing this all out what does this have to do with the price of eggs?
I bumped into this fellow on the bus the other day, we chatted and went to a pub and had a couple of beers, talked about our lives and I realised (how do I phrase this politely?) that this guy was a bit of a hmm how does 'not compatible with Kimberly' type sound? ok Loser would be much more apt, I left the meeting feeling really happy that I never got involved in anything more than a flirtation.
I have been thinking about it a fair bit these last couple of days, but all in all life is pretty damn sweet, now all I need is to be thinner, richer, smarter and smell like cinnamona dn my life wouuld be perfect.
I may attract losers, but I don't go out with them... GO ME!