Kimberly: Made for Mediocrity

Wednesday, August 29

Why me?

I am too busy to write, too tired to write there is far too much boring stuff I am swamped with there are some "more interesting" things I am swamped with but they really don't concern you dear my anonymous reader.

I am poor beyond belief and I think they have cut off my mobile phone, I forgot about the whole paying bills every month thing, so if I don't respond to Sms' my apologies but I am poor and will be for a while yet.

Will keep you posted on my poverty, well I'll try to but if my net gets cut off too it may be a little tricky.

Curse my desire to purchase random pieces of crap, to fill the void where my heart should be.

Sunday, August 19

I love...

I am so in love with my future Prime Minister right now.

Tuesday, August 14

I need your help!

Deryn (that's my brother folks) and I have been in talks and we have decided that we have to go to the good ol U.S of A to attend this

I may or may not be able to go but I'm going to die to make sure my little brother gets there, no ifs or buts about it.

That's where I need help because I don't really want to die just yet, can you guys lend me some money or if you have a house in Las Vegas that would be really nice if you could lend it to my brother, he's tall and he's a chef, and did I mention he's tall?

It's a week off uni and a lot of money but I can't see any other reason why I can't go and do this, I mean Iggy and the Stooges and Rage Against the Machine, and Public Enemy! I am ever so wetting myself right now.

Now I wonder if airlines let you pay off fares by washing dishes?

Does anyone want to come with me? apart from always borrowing money of you, I'm a whole heap of fun!

Tuesday, August 7

Splendour in the Grass: In Summary

It freakin rocked the proverbial casbah!

My period started on the first day

Then at the gates I realised I had forgotten my i.d.

But I batted my eyelids and managed to get in.

I barely slept all weekend, and when I did I didn't do it well, thank goodness for drugs and organic dark chocolate filled doughnuts.

I consumed more doughnuts than drugs I must say.

I consumed more doughnuts than oxygen at splendour.

I consumed more soup than doughnuts at splendour.

Oh apparently there was some music too.

I spent an awful lot of time drinking goon in the carpark with my brother and his friends.

I also spent an awful lot of time in the carpark looking after my brother after he passed out after consuming too much goon in the carpark.

I spent an awful lot of money

I spent around twenty hours in a rental van.

I spent several hours boiling water for coffee every morning only to find out when leaving the camp-site that there was a public urn on the camp-site that was free to use.

I purchased an awful lot of plastic jewellery.

I spent an awful lot of time bulldozing through crowds either to get closer to the stage or further away from it.

I spent ten minutes today trying to remove my admission bracelet.

Operator Please, Old Man River,Tilly and the Wall, The Herd, The Cat Empire, Sarah Blasko, Hot Chip, Cut Copy DJ's, Holly Throsby, Josh Pike, Hot Chip DJ's, Hoodoo Gurus, Dirty Three, The Shins and The Artic Monkeys are who I got to see.

I will so be back next year. It took me several hours sitting at my computer to get the tickets but I'm so glad I did.

Friday, August 3

My Splendour Bender: Part One

Tomorrow I leave for "Splendour in The Grass" (from now on will be referred to as "Splendour")

anyways...

We have to leave early to pick up the van we have hired for the weekend, Mum is driving me and Boo to My Brother Deryn and he takes us the rest of the way.

I plan on being well and truly out of it this weekend, and because the caravan park has wireless access I may even be able to keep you posted about how wasted I am.

Ok, probably not.

I'm trying to sleep now but I can't because I keep on thinking I want another cup of hot chocolate, the hot chocolate has ruined me, for several months I had been good and not eating the bad foods that make me all bloaty but yesterday after my hot chocolate I felt like a biscuit so I had one, which led to two more biscuits, which led to me eating a toasted cheese sandwich and I plan on eating more wheat, right now I'm thinking about something with a flaky buttery pastry shell accompanied by a big mug of hot chocolate.

Ooh! they have a spiced version.

Thursday, August 2

The way to a girls heart.

The best way to win a girl over is to wine her, to dine her and to pretend to be interested in her conversation.

However the best way to win me over is with personalised number plates, candy cigarettes and thishot chocolate mix

I had a cup of it with Deryn and it was almost the consistency of ganache, neither of us could finish our cups.

I am ruined right now

Sunday, July 29

Gah!

So I have spent the whole weekend working my arse off

Shutup! I know I have an awful lot of arse to work off it's a fucking metaphor, but yes I am aware of my giant derrière.

I needs the money and "Splendour in the grass" is next weekend.

I have no money and I need a lot of it by Friday to pay for van hire, camp-site, drugs, food, souvenirs, alcohol

Curse my inability to save and plan ahead.

I just found an unexplained slip in my letterbox saying I have a package waiting for me, I have not purchased anything off the Internet for a few weeks so I'm wondering if I'm so possessions obsessed that I am now logging onto Ebay in my sleep and buying cowboy boots, whilst not good for my bank balance it's pretty cool if you think about it.

That or my bills are so big and cumbersome now that they no longer fit in my letterbox.

I hate surprises when I don't know about them beforehand... Ok I actually love surprises but I like to be the one surprising people.

Thursday, July 26

This is why...

This is why you need to exfoliate regularly people.

Otherwise this will be you

a tad distracted

I'm supposed to be in class right now. I woke up nice and early battled peak hour commuters, and slow trains and got here with seven minutes to spare.

I Rule!

Except when I double check my timetable to find out that my lecture today doesn't start for five more weeks, another day wasted.

I must admit I have been a little distracted of late, I am giving far too much thought to certain people right now, and it's affecting my day to day life.

The worst thing about my distractedness today is I could of watched all of Kochie and Mel .

Tuesday, July 24

Nobody Noticed.

Nobody noticed my nice boobies today.

However it was counteracted by some young students thinking I was only eighteen, and when I said I was twenty-three they were genuinely shocked... I know how weird is that, but I must say I'm looking mighty good at the moment, or my make-up is at least.

Monday, July 23

what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

Saturday I went after work to a going away party, as it was technically my last day of the booze-a-palooza known as my holidays I thought I would go hard, and hard I did.

I apparently made out with someone at Vegas, someone with a girlfriend, but all I can remember is playing with somebodies ear (confession: I have a thing for boys ears) oh well if I can't remember it, it does not exist... right?

It's very funny for the sheer fact that I never get drunk and pash random guys in bars, I'm the sort of person who gets drunk and then makes fun of those people who make out in bars (I am often heard yelling at couples dry humping on pub couches "Get a fucking room or at least go into a toilet cubicle") it's pretty bloody tacky in my opinion (I'm not a public display of tongue related affection kind of girl), but now I'm one of those losers.

I'm not saying I haven't made out with people in public, but I was on pills at the time (so was he) and I would of made out with a telegraph pole (so would he) if given the chance that night.

Lets hope this was a one off show... How do you pub sluts do it?

I'm assuming that this blog is popular with the 'Pub Slut' Community.

Sunday, July 22

I thought I was

I thought I was hungover.

I'm actually still drunk! at midday

details when I get home... I'm in a net cafe right now

Saturday, July 21

What an age we live in!

I just did my tax return in bed, wearing only a pair of hot pink cotton underwear and an old yellow beach towel that I spilled red nail polish on wrapped around my head, whilst talking to Babs about the catastrophe that is the male species and alcohol I could not of gotten away with that at H&R Block.

I love you technology

alcohol = band-aid

There are too many drunk photos of me on facebook, there would be more except I don't think people can remember my name (thank god!)

This however has not deterred me from drinking tonight, I'm in an absolute shit of a mood and I have needed to drink a lot these last few weeks to forget about the source of my shitty mood.

At work we are right now conducting surveys on behalf of a multi-national-weight-loss-conglomerate, the exact same conglomerate that will be using me in their commercial as "depressed fat girl on the beach" so technically they are paying me twice, but also has me more concerned as when a company starts doing market research (especially with our company) it means that they are going to bombard the media in the near future with advertising and promotions, which means my arse is going to be out there a lot, which if it happened whilst I was drunk would be fine (being mooned by me is one of the top ten things to do in Sydney list as voted by tourists) but me on your television during dinner every night for three months might be a tad scary.

I think I'll be drinking more in the future.

Wednesday, July 18

Justification

It's so freakin' cold! I have to go collect course schedules but bed and duvet/doona are so much warmer, I should also clean my flat and do some laundry and buy some groceries and all in all be a mature responsible adult, but recent evidence (a.k.a my life) has indicated I really am a five year old child with a fondness for gin.

Saturday Night I went to a housewarming of a friend with my beloved Boo, I consumed alot, I woke upon Sunday in the doorway with lots of miscellaneous little scratches on my body, was thinking and I shouldn't combine flu medication with hard liquor, but a dripping nose is so annoying while drinking.

Or maybe I should stop the drinking whilst I'm sick? but of course it is the coldest winter on record here in Sydney and I have to keep on drinking in order to keep my body alive... right?

note: Alcoholics can justify anything

I better go get my schedules and timetables.

Does anyone want to go see some comedians tonight?

Monday, July 16

Is it a Bird? Is It a Plane? No it's Super Brother!!!

I needed a hug today and as soon as I get home my brother is on my doorstep with one for me, I'm so lucky to have a brother like him.

Friday, July 13

I shaved my armpits for this?

Earlier this week I had an audition for a commercial for one of those multi-national weight loss conglomerates and yesterday I found out I got the part of the 'fat girl who walks along the beach in her bathers' which was fine, I have modelled in a lot less clothing before so wearing a swimsuit would be absolutely fine...

except

It's winter, the shoot was at seven am this morning and did I mention it was winter?

Anyways look out for my cellulite on a television near you (if you happen to be in Australia or NZ) in the upcoming months