This is how sick and twisted I am.

I was reading an article this morning that was mentioning the word 'Premium' quite alot except my sick and perverted mind twisted into the word 'Perineum' so in the space of four paragraphs I was seeing nothing but perineums and more perineums, I really need a life.

oh and a premium perineum

Life so far.

Oh my God!, my fucking new school is amazing, the students and the teachers make me scream and go 'WOW' I don't know why but, I know I won't probably ever end up as an 'extrodinaire make-up artiste' but I'm going to enjoy this ride, it feels right, and that's something I very rarely say about anything or anyone... but yeah, it feels right.

Did I mention that from now on I will be a poor motherfucker? ok I won't be fucking any mothers, unless lonely mothers are willing to pay generously for my services.

I am happy though, I am broke but I am happy, and I can't wait to post lots of photos of my make-up and waffle about the benefits of a powder eyeshadow over a creme based one.

P.S. throughout the year I will be requiring lots of people (male and female) as models for various assignments and practise on, I don't care what you look like as long as you live in Sydney or can get here easily have a face and can sit still for half and hour, please comment or email me.

P.P.S tell your friends too I need lots of practise.

Tommorrow.

kim09
Originally uploaded by kimberly.lives.

Well tommorrow, is offficially my first day of school, just looking at me you can see how excited I am, ok I'm petrified, I have just washed my hair, and bored so thought I would take photos with my digital camera, god I'm so pathetic.

Bye Shelley!

See that blur in the distance that's my pal shelley and her posse walking as far away from me as they can. Shelley and her boy are off to Bali for ten days of sun surf and indigestion. Shelley if you are reading this have a safe trip babe!

It's Valentines day

Kimberly: Oh it's midnight, it's now officially Valentines Day!
Brain: So what does that matter to you you are alone
Kimberly: Oh yeah i forgot, well I can still enjoy the day, right?
Brain: not really remember you hate people and you particularly hate people who publicly display affection therefore this day is going to be the worst day of your life.
Kimberly: surely not the worst day, I mean the 'Dead Dad Day' was pretty bad
Brain: Yeah, but people werent running about with overpriced flowers and chocolates in a vain attempt to disguise the fact that their relationships are just long drawn out sexual interludes.
Kimberly: You weren't at my Fathers funeral.
Brain: no I haven't been around much lately, I do apologise but sunning myself in Bermuda was a much more tempting option than hanging out with you.
Kimberly: But I thought you liked my company?
Brain: I do, I honestly do, but only when you do exactly what I say.
Kimberly: But I always do exactly what you say, don't I?
Brain: Honey I never told you to buy those Homer Simpsons statuettes, all sixteen dollars worth of them.
Kimberly: What? I swear you did, I mean... but... why didn't you say anything?
Brain: Um... remember that voice that was going 'you fucking idiot you can't afford to spend $16 on yellow plastic'
Kimberly: Yeah but I thought that was my conscience
Brain: What do you think your conscience is? for fucks sake are you an idiot.
Kimberly: I don't know you tell me... Hey weren't we talking about Valentines Day
Brain: oh yeah but it has no relevance for you, I mean after all you are alone
Kimberly: No I'm not, I have you for company.
Brain: Yeah, you do, for a few days at least
Kimberly: why only a few days?
Brain: i've decided to go on a Contiki tour of Europe next week
Kimberly: what? why? what?
Brain: I need to get out and see the world and hang out with the 18-35 set
Kimberly: but... but I'm the 18-35 set
Brain: yeah but y'know they seem you know cooler, and they like to do y'know stuff
Kimberly: ok fair enough, but please can you send me a postcard?
Brain: I'll try but you know I'll be pretty busy with the touring and the drinking and the stuff
Kimberly: Don't worry then.

Lack of furniture? knitting may be the solution

Lookie here

Now I just have to find a pattern for a six foot tall bookshelf, I'm drowning in books here.

And now for something completely different.

It's on right now on channel ten , I love 'Monty Python' in fact I love it so much, if one of my friends disliked it or any british comedy I would in fact dump their sorry arses,

It it horribly hot at the moment, I hate the heat it makes me want to smoke, I don't like to smoke it makes me smell funny and makes my throat all owwy, ok I love to smoke it makes me look cool and it pushes me closer to death, but it costs alot of money to maintain an addiction.

Doctor says I have to listen to him and actually take his advice, and not drink beer or eat wheat as it is turning me into a human bag pipe (as in I emit alot of incredibly annoying sounding wind) so am on diet of death where flavour and fun has been removed. Doctors suck and not in the endearing blow job kind of way.

Did I mention that my mother can be a total cunt of a bitch sometimes... it's a personal issue but I think she is going to drive me over the edge... as I can't drive myself over the edge as I don't have my licence.

Evolution

Was just browsing through some family photos and noticed how much my brother and I have changed

exhibit a)


That's me and Deryn in 1992 when we both attended Tea Gardens Public School, I actually remember the day quite vividly as my brother was crying wildly because he didn't want his photo taken you can actually see his teary eyes and the wet patches on his shirt where he wiped his face on it, I remember crying too, but I cried so much in primary school, I used to cry so much that one of my teachers used to call me 'Warragambah' after the huge dam in Sydney.

Exhibit b)

This was taken at Deryn's Graduation formal in November 2003m, god I got fat and pale, it was a fun night though, and my brother looked oh so grown up in his suit, makes me wanna cry.

Today on the bus ride home from work.

I am such a bad-ass rebel!

The wheels on the bus go round and round

And the commuters on the bus get squashed and squashed, fearing for their life.
Am on the bus on my way home from work and this bus is packed to it's government issued rafters, why can't somebody offer me a seat? Stupid pregnant and elderly.

Nothing on T.V.

There is nothing on television here in Australia tonight so I am watching the final episode of 'Outback Jack'

Urge to kill rising.

Live from 'Casa del Kimberly'

Ok am a touch excited, I finally got off my sizeable arse and got the phone connected today, and thus am now surfing my sizeable arse off on the internet.

Ok Less talk about 'das booty'

Deryn (that's my brother folks) and two of his mates Brent and Daniel crashed at my place for a couple of nights for the 'Big Day Out' I was to go but Daniel, missed out on tickets and me being the pathetic pushover that I am I sold him my ticket, therefore missing out on my beloved 'Beastie Boys' and just the smell of stale sweat, cheap bourbon, and urine. Oh and the blisters! oh how I treasured the battle wounds of the music festivals I attended, as I would apply ointment to my chafed inner thighs and think that was from 'Powderfinger' or when icing the bruise on my left calf thinking 'Sonic Animation' did that one, or when I looked at the bloodied stump where my left hand used to be and sigh and think of 'Silverchair'

Ok my left hnd didn't get amputated at a Silverchair concert but if it did I'd be right now cashing in my compensation cheques.

I am far too selfish, I need to work on that, that and my reckless spending habits, today I purchased towels, two pairs of jeans a red pair of shoes and underarm whitening deodorant. Oh and a pluggy thing for my phone line.

I was only supposed to get the pluggy thing, but the jeans were only ten bucks a pair and the towels were green and oh so lush and on special and the shoes were red and shiny and I don't have a life or a boyfriend to help kill my animal instincts.

So the moral to my story is if I was getting laid, I'd be much more controlled and efficient in my day to day life.

So the only solution apart from getting into a boob tube and heading down to the pub with my fingers crossed and my legs open, is to purchase me an expensive vibrator such as this one, yes I know it would send me to the poor house but It's for the greater good a.k.a me

But now, bed

Happy Australia Day!

I'm at central station, this is a photo of a crazy lady who has been coughing up miscellaneous goo for the last ten minutes, she's wearing an aboriginal flag, so I thought I'd post a picture to celebrate the european invasion of Australia and what has become of the indigenous population. She is sadly just one of many here at central station. Happy Australia Day!

Well Duh!

Ok, well duh! This lady is usually here in Surry Hills every Saturday, with her collection of foetus filled flyers. I don't know why I'm posting this, I am quite bored actually.

The Ice woman Cometh

If one more person asks me if I am excited about moving into my own place I seriously will disembowel them and wear their entrails as a wig.

I have tried being excited but a dark fog has hung over the whole moving in process, a dark, gold jewelry wearing, Chanel Chance smelling fog, Deryn, Dad and I called this fog 'The Dragon Lady' but when in the presence of this fog we call her Mother.

She wants to sorta live in "Casa del Kimberly" well not live there, just bathe, eat and sleep there.

I don't get along well with her, and I don't think landlord would appreciate blood spilled within the first week of me moving in.

Welcome to "Casa del Kimberly"

So here it is, my new apartment, well the kitchen part of it at least, well first things first, I have to get rid of the cabbage stink left by the previous tenant.

Why?

Why must every toilet in Australia have my name in it?

At Starbucks, Darling Harbour

I'm at with my friend Matt, the chai tea frappucino was yummy. That is all.

On the bus

I'm currently on the Busways coach from Bulahdelah to Sydney, and I'm bored, subtle hint to anyone reading, I need an ipod!

EXTRA: Commitment-phobe makes Commitment

I sign my lease tommorrow,

It means I have to commit to something, and as you all know I'm a commitment-phobe and therefore rent freaks the be-jesusness out of me.

I don't believe I have ever used the term 'be-jesusness' before.

I'm so scared of becomming a tennant that I have started using made-up-pseudo-words.

Oh well it could be worse, I could have below-average skin, but my average skin is holding up well.