I NEED A MAN!!

OK the title sounds desperate and in many ways I am desperate...

OK I'm not really desperate but I have just been out all night dancing the night away and I am ready to jump and maul the nearest human being.

So help me people where does one find someone who doesn't mind being mauled at 5am on a Sunday morning? I am willing to pay***








***Payment would be made in compliments or preserves or a combination of both, to be used within six months of said mauling